With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. They log in. Choose words that make you feel confident about yourself. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. 256. Cindy from Marzahn. Heres a giant list of funny affirmations to help you relax your mind with a little humor when youre stressed. Never take life seriously. Ted Turner. 4. Effective pushing often involves poop. What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? Top 75 Funny Daily Affirmations | Committed To Myself 1. Feel free to share with friends and family on Facebook, Tumblr, Instagram, WhatsApp, Twitter and more to motivate them every morning. Dont forget that you get 24 hours, even on your worst day. 6. The great pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. Happy Birthday.". I choose to stop obsessing about my body. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. I thought you said extra fries. Funny affirmations youll find here will boost your confidence and make you laugh. Once you're feeling happy and confident about your sense of humor, use these 35 affirmations to navigate challenging situations with a smile. Rodney Dangerfield, 198. We need to hear a pin drop. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. 40 Short Positive Affirmations + Free Printable - Dare Your Lifestyle I hope you enjoyed this article on funny affirmations! 81. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Why cant you play cards on a small boat? It makes them so damned mad. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Here, we are listing down some awesome funny positive affirmations that will bring out serious positive changes in you. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 84. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. Honolulu, its got everything. Ive collected 90 funniest affirmations from different sources on the web that will help you start a day in a positive manner. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. I dont need a psychologist to dig into my personal life and ask me about all of my secrets, thats what my friends are for! People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. The rest are too expensive. 105. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret Edward A. Murphy Doing nothing is hard, you never know when youre done. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter He who laughs last didnt get it. Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. Because they make up everything. 250. 14. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? Self-worth has nothing to do with clothing size. This is the beauty of funny affirmations. 146. Sorry, I didnt pick up my phone, I got carried away dancing to the ringtone. Short Funny Affirmations - Finally, I'm Revealing My Secret I draw from my inner strength and light. 22. It equates "weight loss" with thoughts like: I can. I now pronounce you man and wife, you may now change your Facebook status. 180. Laughter can help you see the humor in otherwise grim situations. 130. It's OK to take a break. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Enjoy! 170. I nourish my body every day. It has nothing new to tell you. 29. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. A mind is like a parachute. Remember, no one can make you feel anything other than what YOU allow yourself. 11. Theres no stopping me now. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? Your habits become your values. Socrates. 9. Please excuse me while I go check the plumbing. You never run out of things that can go wrong. I give over my anxiety to God, knowing His peace will protect my heart and mind. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. 2. Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? 118. 8. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. It may feel useless but just get into it. 226. Never ask a starfish for directions. With a cowculator. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Lily Tomlin, 242. You kill vegetarian vampires with a steak to the heart. I used to have winter fat but now I have spring rolls. 60 Happy Affirmations That Instantly Make You Feel Better What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? 215. How do you count cows? 217. I am healthy, I am wealthy, I am hot!, 14. 272. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. I overcome fears by following my dreams. Let me gather my thoughts and crush this Monday., 15. If youre just starting your affirmation journey, you might feel skeptical at first. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. However, just saying these statements out loud wont cut it. My imaginary friend thinks he has problems. I make a difference by showing up fully. 45. 1. 184. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. 181. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. 25. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. 65. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. If you feel like todays not your day and the best thing would be to stay in bed, Ive got something that will cheer you up. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. But then again so does . Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 10. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. New year, new me. I can believe in myself for 5 minutes., 2. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. Im not lazy, Im just very relaxed. God has never abandoned me. 186. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. A mind is like a parachute. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. What do I do for a living? I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. You can be positive and yet be funny and easy-going. 172. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. There comes a time when you have to stop crossing oceans for people who wouldnt even jump puddles for you., 13. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Theres life without Facebook and internet? 210. 121. 56. 24. Its time to be much more intentional about the words that we tell ourselves and take a step back from all of lifes noise. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. 225. "Have a great Wednesday. 1. I know that I am intelligent, because I know that I know nothing. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Funny Daily Affirmations. 1. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? If you're going to be thinking, you may as well think big. I breathe in and out. I might go home today, but I will go bigger tomorrow. I dont suffer from insanity. 264. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. 266. 71. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. 34. 60. 38. 202. Enjoy! Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. Life gives the test first and then the lesson. 245. 6. - Catherine Pulsifer. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? 28. 237. Short Positive Daily Affirmations. My six pack is protected by a layer of fat. My liver still works. Im full of funny ideas waiting to be expressed. 83. It may look like Im doing nothing, but in my head, Im quite busy. We have rounded up the best collection of funny affirmations, quotes, sayings, captions, positive thoughts (with images and pictures) to encourage friends and family to manifest their thoughts into things. Why cry for someone when you can laugh next to someone else? I create my life on a quantum level. Let these funny affirmation quotes from my large collection of funny quotes about life add a little humor to your day. Batwoman: single. I like expensive things because I learn the act of taking care from them. 124. 1. Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc 45. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? Looking for positive funny affirmations? They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. 3. 100. Here are some tips on how to make the most of using these humorous affirmations: Laughter and affirmations are already powerful separately, so imagine what they can do for you when combined. Alright, get in the basket. The older I get, the more I start ignoring my friends. Say "Thank you" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of GratitudeIntro Speech by Denzel Washington (Commencement Speech)Main speech by Fearless Soul "Tha. 72. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. If only common sense were more common. 75. What is Mozart doing right now? I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. I am happy and joyful. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. What do computers eat for a snack? 171. 145. Charles M. Schulz. Its not important to win, its important to make the other guy lose. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. If I won the award for laziness, I would send somebody to pick it up for me. Bill Murray, 260. With a cowculator. Daily affirmation: your hair is so much better than it was in middle school., 2. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? 166. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor., 4. When you leave work on Friday, leave work. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. 142. Im not lazy, Im on power saving mode. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. Im gonna be worse., 12. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. Funny affirmation quotes funny quotes about affirmation. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? Learn sign language, its very handy. Say "Thank You" - A Motivational Video On The Importance Of - YouTube I am calm, patient and at peace. Also read: 50+ Powerful Positive Affirmations For Exams. 276. Ive been doing nothing for years. 152. At night, I cant fall asleep. When nothing is going right, go left. Having a smoking section in a restaurant is like having a peeing section in a pool. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. Your values become your destiny. Ive been doing nothing for years. Friends buy you food.